blackandwhite | is it time to leave shinee world?

It have been already a few days since I know about it. Well, or you can say, heard rumours about it. And it is only now that I have the mood to write it. The past few days have been crazily hectic which sort of made me not think about it but well, I will still have to say something about it right? So I figured, better now than later.

To be honest, I really dont know what to feel about all these rumours. It was a mixture of emotions between sad, angry, frustration, etc. When I first saw and heard about it, it was as if a bomb have landed in front of me and it was going to explode within seconds. There was no time to run and well, obviously you will stay rooted to the ground. It caught you by surprise. And that was exactly what happened to me. 2 years of being in the KPOP fandom did not keep me prepared for the worst news that can happen in the industry: disband. A word that I am afraid of. A word that I have not gotten use to. A word that killed me once.

Ever since I stepped into the world of kpop fandom, I told myself to be mentally prepared for the worst. I have gone through hell when TVXQ disbanded. It was the first ever kpop band I ever like and till now, they still hold a special place in my heart. When the news first came out about them disbanding, I had a shock of my life. I had expected it but I did not expect it to happen so suddenly, without warnings of any sorts. The whole lawsuit dragged on for more than a year. I thought that if they will disband, they would have already disbanded in that time frame of a year but no, they did not. So I have believed that they will not disband. The news about disbanding that came shocked me. I cried. I cried while talking on the phone. I did not know what to do at that point of time. Is the same thing going to happen to me again?

I want to believe that nothing will go wrong. But can I really? Now, there is rumours of SHINee disbanding. The one and only kpop group that I have loved since debut. What do you expect me to do? Cry? Scream? I dont know either. All I know is that I want to believe that they will not disband or rather, I do not want them to disband. It is a wish, a hope. The chances of it coming true is close to zero. I know it is a matter of time that their company will split them up. But I have only been in the fandom for 2 years. 2 years... is not a very long nor a very short time frame. 2 years is not long enough for me to enjoy the feeling of being in the fandom. But at the same time I am thankful for the 2 years because I still got to enjoy them longer than people who got into the fandom much later.

I said that I will leave the kpop fandom behind when SHINee disband. This statement is made because I would have lost all hopes in kpop fandom. All my hopes for a better kpop world would have been crushed. I have already seen TVXQ disband right before my eyes. SHINee is the last heartbreak I can manage before crumbling into bits and pieces. I dont want to go through the same heartbreak. It hurts... it hurts badly. It is only after you go through the heartbreak will you understand the feelings I have now. Fandom is like my life. I know I cannot live without the existence of the thing known as fandom but at the same time, it is fandom that gave me the most heartbreaks. How ironic but that is life.

Can I really leave kpop behind once SHINee disband? Only time will tell. And I hope the time will not come any time soon. At this point of time, I can only hope. Hoping for the best out of all these.

5 will always be a special number