because... it will never be the same ever again.

[blackandwhite]

 

The biggest shock today when I finally manage to surf the net with my computer. I did not expect this. I never did expect this. I would say... it totally tore me apart. I always thought that the 7 of them will stay together until the end. They were one of the groups that I never expected will split up and they... crushed me.

It is never a smart thing to do to invest your time in fandoms and have them betray you by the end of the day. I know that they did not mean it but it still does not erase the fact that it hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts so much that the only way I can get rid of this hurt is by crying, throwing a tantrum, destroying every single thing I see. They were the last group I would have thought to split up and go their separated ways. You could have well said, I trusted that no matter which group in the industry split up, they will never split, they will never betray their fans, and that... they will always love their fans.

This incident, this shock, this news, shocked me more than any news can ever shock me other than TVXQ splitting up. I said before, I will leave the kpop fandom when SHINee disband but... I think I will be leaving earlier than that. I lost hope. I lost the courage to continue. I don't want to go through the same heartache again. I wish I could be indifferent about this but I really can't. I lost the will to fight on. I lost the will to believe in them. Believe in this industry will just kill me in the end.

I love these boys. I saw them with my own eyes, see them grow, from being a 6-membered group to a 7-membered group and now, to a 5-membered group. I saw them performing with my own eyes 3 years ago when I still don't know who are they. I loved them like I love SHINee. It is not funny that this is happening and if it turns out to be a joke, I will hate them forever for playing with my feelings. But at the same time, be at ease because they will still be together. I know that everything will be different and I can't do anything about it.

Only 5 members left... It will never be the same again. I can only say good luck to my boys, Kevin, Eli, Dongho, Soohyun, Kiseop, and all the best to Alexander and Kibum. I can't promise anything. Can't promise that I will stay. But I will continue rooting for all of you.



Thank you for having been a part of my life. It is time... to say goodbye.